My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I deserve this hangover.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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