Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The feeling are messing with the penis
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
