I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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