Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
