so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
