I feel like I'm in dance class right now
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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