I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
