bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
