I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
