I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize