It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
