So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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