i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
