Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
