i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
