Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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