I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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