Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
