I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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