The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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