Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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