If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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