I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
