The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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