Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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