I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
