I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
