she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize