You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
