you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
