Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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