i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
