There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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