once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Panties = found
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
