So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Randomize
