So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
