i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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