My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
