just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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