It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
