Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
