i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
