I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
