Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
