dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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