He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
