I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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