we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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