Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize