Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
