I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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