Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
