a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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