I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
