I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He passed out mid-signature
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
