what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize