I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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