Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
