She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
