I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
