Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
