am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
