good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
