I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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