do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize