I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
