I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
