I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
