i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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