Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
