on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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