it hurts more in the daytime
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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