I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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