Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
