Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
