Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
